I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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