Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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