just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
