You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize