I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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