Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
