Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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