brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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