last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
