You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
