a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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