My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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