guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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