Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
