Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
