Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
