dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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