Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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