I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
