what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
