the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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