another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize