Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
home. puking in laundry basket.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
