You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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