I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
