I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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