Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize