and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
