You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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