And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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