im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
