Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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