what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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