you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
