Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
