She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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