Is it because I queefed?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
