Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What a dumb baby whore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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