its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
