my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
