Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want to make out with him forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
