Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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