I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
