Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
