I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize