i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
