Will you blow on my dice?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
