my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
