Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
