Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
