It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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