I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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