there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize