i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
