I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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