If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
