I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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