I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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