i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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