shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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