I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize