My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
