Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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