yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
