you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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